On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me: A partridge with planting instructions for a sapling pear tree. How sweet and what a lovely idea. On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Two turtle doves and a instructions to build a dovecote. Hmmm, I wonder how long that’s going to take. On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Three colly birds and the Great British Birds book explaining what exactly a colly bird is . It turns out it’s a blackbird. On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Four French hens and a French-English phrase book to help to communicate with them. I’m hoping eldest child will help as he’s studying French in school. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Five gold rings. I know I lost my wedding ring last year, but five?  I’m not that careless. On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Six geese a-laying – and a cookbook with recipes for goose eggs. Youngest child is now demanding ‘goosey-eggs’ for breakfast. On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Seven swans a-swimming – and the pool has taken over the garden. I’ve delegated breaking the ice on cold days to the kids. On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Eight maids a-milking. The garden is getting crowded with the menagerie.  I can only hope that cow-pats are good for the grass.   On the plus side it’s getting to the point where I have enough milk to supply the whole road. On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Nine ladies dancing. Very elegant, but I wish they’d stay out of the kitchen and annoyingly they keep dancing in front of the TV when my favourite show is on. On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Ten lords a-leaping. This is getting beyond a joke; I keep trying to shoo them out into the garden, but there isn’t much room out there and I don’t have time to rescue them from the pool – they won’t stand still long enough for me to find out if they can swim! On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Eleven pipers piping my neighbours are threatening to complain to environmental health, if we don’t keep the noise down.   It’s getting very crowded here!! On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: Twelve drummers drumming. It’s driving me crazy, I know I said I wanted a romantic gesture, but I don’t know what my partner was thinking about.   Next year I’m hoping for tea towels and warm socks, meanwhile, someone hand me the ear-defenders!!!